


Another Us

by stareyes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Light Angst, M/M, Music, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 05:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18733012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stareyes/pseuds/stareyes
Summary: Jeno couldn't bring himself to finish his song after Renjun left, but one unexpected trip to a brand new chicken restaurant might just change that.





	Another Us

**Author's Note:**

> hi, this is my first time posting a story so please feel free to leave comments hehe
> 
> also, this was insipred by the line 'i can't write one song that's not about you' from shawn medes' new song 'if i can't have you'!!!
> 
> but i got the title from 5sos' 'story of another us' after realizing it had the same vibe hehe
> 
> anyways i hope u guys enjoy even though this isn't edited yet <3

            “This won’t do,” Jeno mutters under his breath, his grip on his guitar tightening.

            It was already late, and his frustration was getting the best of him. He had been stuck on this part of the song for days now and his attempts to find a chord to match the melody he was working on have been a tragic failure because nothing really inspired him. Even the hassle from their record label’s deadline, that usually helped him create mediocre songs, didn’t pressure him. No matter how hard he tried to produce a song, nothing ever sounded right and all he had was a mess of incoherent scribbled lyrics and unfinished lonely tunes.

            Jeno glances on the clock that was placed on the wall, it was already fifteen minutes past midnight. A sigh erupts from his lips as he gently place down his guitar on the sofa. He wasn’t always like this. Normally, he would be out of the studio by this time having finished a song or two for the whole session. He had always been admired by everyone for his ability to swiftly write songs that resonate with their audience. One could even say that it was his thing to produce hits that were profound and candid, and he had been doing so for the past three years. Back then, it seemed like everything came naturally to him. With every random strum on his guitar, he already knew what sound would fit right from start to finish. Though he found writing lyrics a bit more difficult, there were still moments where he just scribbles away and before he knew it, he was done. Occasionally, there were instances that he would have difficulty finishing a song, but it was never like this before because he had Renjun.

            He runs his hands through his light chocolate-colored hair letting himself relax for the first time since he entered his studio. He had been working for twelve hours straight already and Jeno knew that no matter how hard he tries, he won’t be able to produce anything worthwhile. With a huff, he collects his belongings and decide to go home leaving behind the dissonant fragments of his song.

 

            As Jeno was about to turn his heel to walk towards the direction of his apartment, a fried-chicken restaurant from across the street catches his eye, the only store that remained open late in the night. It has been a while since he walked through the streets near his apartment to avoid anything that remotely reminds him of Renjun, still he was certain that this establishment was new. The signage didn’t feel familiar and the colors painted on its walls were certainly different from the ones he remembers. His eyes fixate on the poster outside, taking a mental note to try the store’s chicken on his free time, but the grumbling on his stomach told him otherwise. He hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast and the photos of fried chicken displayed on the walls were certainly calling onto him. 

            A fresh whiff of freshly cooked chicken welcomed him as he opens the store’s door. A bell was strategically placed on top of the door which made a sound every time someone came in. One of the staff from behind the cashier looks up at him and offers him a warm smile before gesturing him to sit on a table beside the window. He obliges and plops down the on the chair nearest to the window, placing his backpack beside him.

Jeno looks around, examining the place. It was almost empty as there were only four tables occupied by small groups who were drinking through the night. Despite that, Jeno could hear clearly the soft indie music that blasted from the speakers from an artist he wasn’t familiar with. The chatters from a few tables away seemed to be nothing but white noise to him. Jeno almost felt serene sitting inside that restaurant alone. He was unsure whether it was the ambience that the place radiates or if he was just getting used to loneliness that plagued his heart. Either way, it helped him breathe.

            After ordering, his eyes wandered outside, watching the cars pass by. It was almost one in the morning yet there were still a few people walking down the streets, some of them obviously drunk. Nevertheless, the streets were quiet and illuminated by the streetlamps that towered over the pavement which made the road appear more peaceful. His eyes shift around observing the familiar streets he used to walk on every day with Renjun. All was constant, nothing extraordinarily changed, it was still the same street—everything exactly like before except them.

            He lets out a heavy breath at the thought of Renjun. It has been five months since he last saw him, five months since they said their goodbyes. After Renjun, his life was nothing but a sad string of events. He was so overwhelmed with despair that he couldn’t bring himself to function properly especially on the first month that they were apart. Since then, he always found himself thinking of him and wondering of whatever he was doing in that moment. Numerous countless thoughts occur on his mind daily but most of them were related to Renjun. He couldn’t get himself together and it was showing in his work. He couldn’t write anything because his mind was always clouded by the thoughts of Renjun—of what could have been and what it is. Whenever he tried to focus his energy into something else, his mind unconsciously reverts to him. He feels pathetic wallowing in his own sadness all these months after but then again what could he do? It was his fault Renjun left and as he did he took everything with him, even Jeno—his music, his will, his soul. He hated missing him though not as much as he hated that he couldn’t do anything about it.

            _Nights like these_ , he remembers, _are best spent with Renjun._

            Jeno could never forget how mesmerizing Renjun looked like underneath the moonlight, his skin glittering. It was almost instinctive for Jeno to bring his then boyfriend out on a stroll to enjoy the view of the night despite of the darkness that surrounded. He thinks of how Renjun’s eyes dazzled with excitement every time they look over the stars above them when the skies are clear. He knew how much Renjun liked stargazing and any excuse to be alone with him, to see glimmer in his eyes, was enough for him.

            Memories of their late-night dates played on Jeno’s mind like a movie. He reminisces talking about anything and everything with Renjun whilst walking through the dark alleyways of the city. He recalls the way Renjun would roll his eyes at his dorky remarks or, in rare occasions, he would hear a hearty laugh erupt from the lips of the boy he loved. They would always walk around the street to a nearby park before they walked home to either one’s apartment. These nights would be quiet and comfortable because the rest of the country was sleeping through the beautiful night. He felt like they owned the world because everything seemed to slow down in those passing moments.

            Their night would always end in the warmth of each other’s embrace, Jeno’s head nuzzled on the crook of Renjun’s neck while the latter’s hands rubbed gentle circles on his back. Sometimes, Renjun would hum a sweet melody while he stroked his hair and Jeno would place his head on top of his chest to feel him singing. He loved— _loves—_ these moments. In that space, he could pretend that the world beyond their window didn’t exist. Everything outside was muffled and the only thing that mattered was them and their two beating hearts. It made him feel safe and warm, like he was home.

            A ding from his phone interrupted his trance. Jeno quickly opened his phone to see a notification about a message from Mark.

            ‘ _Are you home yet?_ _I swear if you aren’t, I won’t let you inside of the studio for a week and don’t even think about lying I can access the tapes’,_ the text message reads.

            Jeno cracks a small smile at his bandmate’s concern before typing _‘Don’t worry, I’m just eating before I walk home’_

            Soon enough, the same waiter before—Sicheng, from what his name tag read—placed his order on his table. Jeno nods politely at him and Sicheng smiled at him sweetly before walking away to tend to the other customers. He couldn’t help but grin as he stared at the platter of fried chicken in front of him, his cravings finally being satisfied. In his moments of desolation, at least there was food that consoled him.

            Half-way through his meal, Jeno heard the bell from the main entrance ring signaling a new customer that entered. He was too preoccupied by the overwhelming tasty combination of the chicken and beer that he didn’t even bother to look up and see who entered the premises. He was too busy satisfying his hunger and indulging on the food in front of him for that.

            “Hey, Sicheng,”

            Two words. These two words coming from the stranger who just entered the store. It wasn’t that this statement contained something shocking—no, it was because the voice of the person who said it was all too familiar. For a moment, Jeno didn’t know what to think, his eyes widening in surprise. With a gulp, he looks up to search for whoever muttered those words.

            “Renjun,” He whispers almost inaudibly when his eyes land on the boy sitting across Sicheng on the other side of the restaurant. He could only see his side profile, still he was certain it was him. Afterall, he did spend a lot of time memorizing his features in his efforts to preserve him in his memories.

            Numerous questions unfolded in his head.

_Who is Sicheng? When did he come back? Is he dating someone? Can he still possibly love me?_

            Jeno forgets that he was eating and enjoying his meal as he discreetly stared at Renjun, who is five tables away from him. He knows he hasn’t seen him yet because the sparkle in his eyes remains and seeing Jeno would unquestionably change that. He contemplates whether it would be ideal for him to walk over and greet his ex and confront him in the process, but he chooses not to. Instead, he resorts to observing him from afar completely abandoning the food that once gave him solace.

            His mouth feels dry as he sees Renjun grinning widely at the Sicheng person, jealousy rapidly rising from his core. Jeno averts his eyes for second to remind himself that he doesn’t have the right to be jealous anymore before sipping on his beer. He loosens himself and proceeded on to watch the two men converse casually.

            He could undoubtedly conclude that Renjun was happier. The last time he saw him beam the way he did was exactly five weeks before their break up and a week before Renjun told him his plans.

            Renjun surprised him by driving him to the nearest beach in the city for a quick getaway from his studio. The boy knew how much Jeno has been working hard to finish the songs for their album and how much he deserved a time off. With that, Renjun thought it would be perfect to bring him over to watch the waves softly crash onto the beach because Jeno loved the sea as much as Renjun loved the stars.

            Jeno finds himself smiling at the memory. However, the realization that came a few seconds later hurt him. Renjun _is_ happy even though they were apart. He wasn’t miserable like him. He knows that the moment Renjun acknowledges his presence, all the boy’s efforts to move on from him would be wasted. Both of them would be devastatingly hurt to see each other once more and he didn’t want to bring that upon Renjun after all that he had done to him. He just couldn’t.

            He sighs to himself ultimately deciding to leave the restaurant as subtle as possible. If he wanted to leave the restaurant unnoticed, calling the Sicheng’s attention to pay for his food was surely not the best way to do it. So, he takes out his wallet bringing out a couple of bills that would surely cover his meal and more to apologize for the mess that he left behind, placing them on the other side of his table where it was noticeable. He then tucks his phone on the pocket of his skin tight jeans and proceeded to zip his backpack.

            “Jeno?”

            The whole place wasn’t quiet nor was it too loud. Despite the clamor that surrounds them, Jeno heard his name clearly. It has been a while since he heard his name come out from his lips and numerous feelings erupted from his insides. Renjun was the only one who had this effect on him. He wanted to scream, to cry, maybe even run to him and profess his undying love for him. Afterall, it was _him_.

            Jeno hesitantly lifts his head to confirm who spoke his name. He feels his heart drop the moment he realized that Renjun was already walking towards him with a mien he couldn’t decipher. Considering the years that they were together, he could have sworn he had seen every side of Renjun—every reaction, every emotion, every feeling. But this was something new; he hasn’t seen Renjun this way before.

            “Hi,” He breathes as soon as Renjun reached his table. Jeno looks up to see his eyebrows knitted together, lips pursed together, an unknown facial expression still plastered on his face. His nervousness causes him to bite the insides of his cheeks as he gestures for him to sit down across him. Renjun obliges, nodding his head at his request.

            Jeno senses Renjun’s eyes on him and he feels cheeks heating up at the attention. Usually, he would be the one staring at him because he was the type of person who likes to make eye-contact to the person they are conversing with. For Jeno, it made the conversation more sincere and genuine. However, in that moment, he couldn’t bring himself to meet Renjun’s gaze. He refused to look into him eyes, a mirror of Renjun’s inner feelings. He knows how painful it would be to stare into his eyes again even though he knows he’d eventually be forced to look at the boy in front of him later in their conversation. He wasn’t ready just yet.

            The chatters around them were stifled by their silence. The comforting atmosphere that Jeno enjoyed a few minutes ago was gone. Instead, the air felt stuffy and agonizing. He wanted to speak to break free from the unpleasant feeling that was surrounding them, but he couldn’t figure out the right words to say. At least not to this Renjun.

            Renjun clears his throat and Jeno anticipates what will happen next. He was still looking down, staring at the delicate hands of the boy in front of him.

            “How are you?” Renjun starts. He almost wants to laugh at the question but instead he looks up and tries to smile at him.

            “I’m fine I guess,” He replies. “When did you arrive?”

            “Yesterday morning,” Renjun shrugs and leans his back on the chair. “I thought you guys would’ve released your new album by now. I was actually waiting for it.”

            There was warmth in his voice, a sense of familiarity. He even cracks a smile that immediately tugged Jeno’s heart. He wants to stop himself from enjoying this too much. Thus, he reminds himself that after this conversation and whatever _this_ was is ephemeral. He won’t be going home with Renjun and he would leave even more devastated than he was.

            Jeno averts his gaze to the window trying to find a response to the boy’s statement. Would telling the truth be alright or was it easier to just lie? Jeno isn’t sure.

            “I just,” He looks back at Renjun, this time meeting his gaze. And before he knew it, he was lost in his eyes again. “I couldn’t write anything… without you.”

            The last portion of his sentence almost came out inaudible, but he was sure Renjun heard it because the boy moves forward placing his hands on the table. Unsure of what to do, Jeno just stares at him waiting for some kind of sign. Renjun bites his lips and Jeno knows that he was thinking of the appropriate reply. He knew that he was always careful with the words he said, cautious of the possible consequences it may bring forth. So, he decides to end his misery by muttering the words “I’m sorry.”

            Renjun looks at him, shock evident in his face, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he beckons for him to continue his thought. Jeno is uncertain of how to interpret this gesture, nevertheless he complies.

            “I’m stupid, I know. I was the one who broke up with you, yet all I did was miss you the moment you left. Hurting you and letting you go was foolish and I regret it every single day.” Jeno sighs. These feelings have been bottled up inside of him and it feels liberating to say this to the person who needed to hear it the most. “But I know it’s my fault and I won’t be able to take back what I did and what I said. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

            Renjun is silent and Jeno is anxious. He wants Renjun to yell and swear profanities at him because it’s what he deserved. He wants him to let all his emotion out so they can finally finish this chapter of their relationship no matter how much it hurt him. He wants a sign that it was over, that Renjun won’t come back in his life anymore. 

            In lieu of a response, Renjun reaches out to his hands, bringing them closer to his face. Jeno immediately withers at the contact, a shiver travelling down his spine and his heart fluttering like crazy. Renjun smiles sheepishly at him before he presses soft kisses on his knuckles.

            “It’s alright,” Renjun says while rubbing gently on his hands. He stares into his eyes and he could already hear his heart palpitating.

            This wasn’t exactly the reaction he was expecting. He thought Renjun would be mad at him and for all that he had done. In a way, he expected him to regret every moment that they spent together. Whatever reaction Renjun was showing made him feel confused and it was starting a hope in his heart that _maybe_ there’s something more.

            Jeno brushes his thoughts aside and mutters, “I haven’t seen you smile like that in a while.” He looks down the table feeling the weight of his statement. “I’m sorry if I ruined that tonight.”

            Renjun lets go of one of his hands to lift his chin up, their gazes meeting immediately. “Is that why you wanted to leave without acknowledging me?”

            He gestures to the pile of bills that Jeno placed on the table earlier to pay for his meal and he could tell that Renjun felt accountable for making him feel uncomfortable. He wanted to lie to make Renjun feel less guilty, still he knew that Renjun was too smart for that. Afterall, that was one of the many things that makes Renjun attractive. So, he nods his head slightly hoping that the older boy won’t catch his answer.

            “I’m really, _really_ sorry,” He whispers, eyes feigning courage. “I want you to be happy. I’ll be alright.”

            “You’re such an idiot,” Renjun shakes his head and lets out a soft chuckle. “I know you won’t be.”

            Jeno avoids his eyes as he could already feel tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. Renjun knows him too well that he sees right through him. Who is he kidding anyways? Five months after their break up, he was a mess and he sure will after their conversation. He was sure of it.

            “God, we’re just a bunch of idiots, aren’t we?” Renjun laughs.

            Jeno is confused at Renjun’s choice of words, clueless of why Renjun included himself. Somehow, it plants a seed of hope in his heart, but he reprimands himself for reaching. _He couldn’t possibly mean it that way._

            “No matter how hard I tried,” Renjun starts. Jeno’s eyes shifts back into his, listening intently. “I couldn’t forget you. Believe me, I wanted to loathe you for everything. But it was so much easier to remember the good times rather than the bad ones. Honestly, I felt like an idiot for missing you. But I do, I certainly do.”

            “Renjun,” Jeno’s eyes furrowed together. “Why?”

            “Because its _you_.” He answers a little too quickly.

            Jeno is dumbstruck. In the multiple possibilities that this night could have ended, never once did he think Renjun would still want him. The idea seemed too far-fetched and he didn’t want entertain thoughts that would fuel expectations. He was hurting too much that he didn’t think that Renjun would hurt too.

            “Are you sure?” He wants to be cautious because he doesn’t want to repeat the stupid mistakes he committed in the past.

            Renjun breathes heavily and places another kiss on his knuckles to reassure him. “Yes, stupid.”

            It takes a while before everything process in Jeno’s mind. He couldn’t believe that he was hearing everything Renjun just said. He wasn’t ready to face this kind of reaction because he never imagined he would get _this_ reaction.

            “Does this mean,” He pauses not believing whatever he was going to say. “…you still love me?”

            He could see Renjun’s eyes light up, a blush creeping on his cheeks. The boy nods coyly and it sends fireworks to Jeno’s head. He turns his hand to grab Renjun’s, his other hand making its way to the older boy’s cheeks. Renjun leans his head towards Jeno’s hand and the latter caresses it gently.

            “Can we start over?” He says a genuine smile finally appearing on his lips. His insides were exploding, still unable to believe whatever was happening in that moment. He was getting the love of his life back and he surely wouldn’t ruin it this time.

            “Another us?” Renjun smirks and it sends Jeno into euphoria.

            “Another us.”


End file.
